I don't know why, but for some reason, I don't feel ready to write about this visit. Yet, I don't want this trip to go unrecorded either.
So, instead, I have asked AkM to write this post as a little gift to me. I want to see this visit through her eyes, in her words, and hold on to her version of these very short moments we got. I know the gift I am asking is not the pleasent one and I am prepared for that.
I will update this post once she sends me her thoughts. Until then, this one is waiting for her words..
[AkM Post]:
Yet its August again and again i an here planning for a next short trip to avoid being here for few days. This time it was all about going to different places and having different experiences yet destiny had its own plans..
i was seriously wondering what and why was the destiny making me land at the same place yet again. The city where he lived… The city for which i had too many emotions because i get to see someone who is mine.
But this time it dint feel the same… right from the time it was being planned something made me a little uncomfortable as if this is not what this was meant to be…. Something dint feel right yet i was happy… Happy for seeing him…. Excited to meet him…Hoping to hug him and hoping to be just with him for a few minutes….
Just a simple thing which i had asked for…
But destiny had its own plans…
Even before reaching there both of us already had an emotional outbreak about something… a decision which was close to our heart… a decision that was made to keep this forever connected a surety….a decision which had our unexplainable emotions with it…
A decision that never was meant to be it seems…
I was heartbroken as if something was taken away from me… as if he was taken away from me….
Seeing him broken and cry broke a piece of my heart…. Seeing him like this made me miserable…. Seeing him like this made me unsettled… But we did talked it out and confided in each other and gave an assurance that this will never change no matter what….
And then on 28th evening i was here in Bangalore… we both were too eager to meet each other yet god was delaying our visit…
But finally here he was in front of me i just got up and gave him a hug something he felt awkward and was not expecting….
And then were here again seeing each other….
It was a tough day for me and seeing him gave me a sense of comfort that yeah he is here to be with me even if i break down….i could see the love and care in his eyes…. The same which was there since Day 1….
I missed him soo much all these days…. I wanted to hug him and tell him how much i needed him at that moment…. That unsettling storm…. I just wanted to talk and cry it out….. He sent my husband for some work and got up so that i could hug him…. But i froze…. I wanted to but the fear of breaking down badly and what would by husband interpret made me froze…. Feeling a little guilty later i ended up in a little tears again….
But his eyes yet again in the rear view mirror kept feeling the pain and asking me to smile…. That eyes in the rear view has its own magic….. and for him i smiled again….
I know he was extra cautious this time to not ruin this…. The last day was a mess but i m grateful to him to have travelled so far to meet me for 5 mins again….
This was a trip which did not had great memories …..But his presence itself was enough for me…. His smiling eyes were enough for me…. Those leg hugs were enough for me… he doing every possible thing to spend more time was enough for me….he taking me to my favourite bakery and remembering every little details about what i would like and what notwas enough for me….. he getting a little cute gift remembering every bit of me…that half hug on last day was enough for me…..He being in my life is enough for me…..